So Over

So on Saturday, I found out that the Enigma has a "kinda maybe girlfriend" whome he wanted to invite to my birthday party.

I recommended that he and she find something else to do.

A nice jump from the 980 overpass maybe?

Actually no -

well, yes.

It would be a cliche for me to say that I want him to feel like I do. But I really just want him gone, then I could mourn and move on. But instead I've been trappeed in this daily wondering of when he was going to realize how great I am. Now, I wonder if am I not great at all?

So I've been throwing myself into the whole dating thing. Nothing. Dr B swears this is all worth it. That going through the rejection is balanced by how great finding your mate is. I'm personally so over the process. I'm going to be sad and lonely because I'm apparently innately repulsive to men of all ilk but I'd rather start accepting that fact than to continue to try to meet someone and be rejected by every other loser on every dating site imaginable.

And the shitty thing is that this time last year, I was in my happy little bubble, having just met a great guy, and thinkign that I was finally getting what the rest of the world seems to have. Who was I kidding? The happy world and future I had painted in my head was as fake as whatever it was he seemed to feel for me. And I don't know what's worse - the fact that that fantasy is officially gone or that he is.