On Faith and Forgiveness

I alluded to this post a while ago, but I’m finally writing it now. My pastor has been really hitting faith hard as a topic lately. It’s been great for me because I needed it. Correction: I need it.

So, Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) says: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.” My pastor has really focused on this verse – several times. Looking at the first half, he emphasized that you may feel like you’re having a crisis of faith, but you’re really having a crisis of hope…that at some point, you’ve lost it or stopped hoping.

Yeah

Whoa, right? That’s part of the reason I love this church, I feel like some of the sermons are written just for me. I realized when he said that that I’d stopped even hoping for anything. I ‘d stopped using the gift of my faith, because my hope was gone.

The second half means knowing that what I don’t see is already there. Superficially – a healthier, fitter body is already inside me. So is financial security. And happiness and lots of things. Another verse says that Faith is the title deed (or ownership) of what I will soon have.

Another verse that pastor has used in this series is Mark 11:23-26. “Truly I tell you, if you say to this mountain, ‘go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and do not doubt in your heart but believe that what you say will happen, it will be done for you. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against another, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven can forgive you your sins”

The first 3 times he covered these verses, he didn’t include 26 – the bit about forgiveness, but when he did something just clicked that so many of my prayers were being stunted by my inability to forgive…that I was holding so much against my father, step father the enigma, the old man, other guys, other people…that I had now space in my mind for the hope and belief that what I was asking for would come. Not only that, but it allowed me easy excuses for failing and was taking glory away from God. I should be praising him for getting me through college – instead, I’m sitting here thinking it was me doing it “in spite of” my father’s lack of support. And there were many other areas where this was the case.

So, a few weeks ago, I prayed for Got to help me forgive and to forgive me. And I swear – it’s all be lifted. I think about some of it. I’m still hurt by my stepfather and my father’s general uselessness, but God is my true father – so what does that matter? I still resent the Enigma and Old man for using me – but I allowed it. And forgive them.

And now – so much that I’ve been acting in faith for is happening. I had asked for faith to get healthier, And the faith to sustain hope in positive relationships. And while I’m still getting used to acting in faith and in expectation – so eating healthier and working out...I’m getting there. It’s not an issue anymore. I want to workout. I want to be around people who add things to my life, and I want to add to others’ lives.

Being in a state of forgiveness and faith has just opened up my heart and mind and spirit for so much more. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I’m now open to being in a relationship with K. Heck – I’ve even had the chance to be more of a sister to my half-brother…and I hope to eventually build a stronger relationship with him. And I expect it to happen.

My pastor preached on getting ready for New Experiences today – and the more I hear and learn and read, the more I’m excited and expecting these new experiences and how great they’ll be.